weekend alone

i think it is funny how we have only lived together for ... 5 months, yet the thought of spending a weekend alone my house seems so odd to me. i am used to coming home to jesse, being with jesse or leaving jesse. i know that it is only a few days but it is definitely going to be odd. luckily, i have emi to keep me company in his absence.

in a sense, i think that it is going to be nice to do whatever i want whenever i want. i am working this morning until about 1 in the afternoon then i plan on going home, making lunch and taking emi for a walk. if i am lucky, i may even be able to see one of my best friends, michelle, who i rarely see since she is now living in LA (unfortunately, she is in calgary for the weekend to say goodbye to a dieing family member). at four o'clock i have a pedicure booked. after that i will probably go home and watch the hours of trash television that have accumulated on my pvr over the week. then, bed with emi. it is sort of fun to plan a day to myself when you know it is just for one day. i couldn't imagine having to do it over and over again though - knowing that i would never see jesse again.

i know this is a morbid blog post but this thought process came upon me this morning when i was searching for my photographer's blog online. i had forgotten the exact address of her blog and googled her instead - the link that google produced was a link to her personal blog instead of her photography blog and the sad, struggle that filled the pages honestly broke my heart. our photographer, christa harriman, was married to a man named tim harriman in may 2010. unfortunately, after battling cancer four times, tim passed away in july 2010. they were married for less than two months. now, christa devotes her life to capturing other happy couples as they embark on the journey of marriage. jesse and i met her in november for our engagement photos and she was such a happy, kind person who seemed to really love her job - you never would have known that she had lost her husband. i couldn't imagine photographing weddings for a living after my own marriage ended so painfully.obviously, she is still struggling with the loss but is still such an inspiring person. her blog was a combination of happy memories, self pep talks and sad struggles that really touched me and got me thinking about how lucky i am to have the person i love in my life here with me every day.

we are looking at a little bird that was flying around - christa said that this happens on a regular occasion and in her heart she knows that little bird is tim, helping her capture happy moments

so jesse, i love you. you are my very best friend and i am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you. have fun this weekend and come back in one piece, please and thank you.